it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
