I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
