i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
