i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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