i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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