you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
