i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
