you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
pray to the hookup gods
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
