Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
