Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
