Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she looked like the before picture.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
