so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My life is pants optional.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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