he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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