I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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