Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize