I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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