Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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