Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize