Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
