I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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