i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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