that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
