The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Panties = found
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