Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
