also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
