Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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