cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
