if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
