Kiss
Puke
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i already hear my dad disowning me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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