Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
