he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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