So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
