i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
