She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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