dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
