I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize