I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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