my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Randomize
