he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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