Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
