genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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