who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
should my penis look like a turkey
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize