I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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