wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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