I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
