waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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