My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
