I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
