Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
