Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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