he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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