OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
