im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
