**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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