smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
