There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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