I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize