At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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