respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize