So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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