If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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