saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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