Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
