she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
