i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
