Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
